I have to realize that I cannot plan the way I want things to go. They just don't turn out that way.
By nature I'm a planner, an organizer.
But every time I try to plan anything about my life, God usually swoops in and goes, "Hey, guess what? You're not in control!"
I don't really want to blog about all the details here (in some ways I do, but in others I don't), but lets just say IVF # 3 didn't follow my plan.
We had a lot of eggs, not a lot fertilized, we transferred 2 embryos, and there was nothing to freeze. The 2 we transferred weren't as high cells as the other cycles, so in my opinion it's not necessarily that I had a higher quality embryos this time, it's that the cycle just didn't do so well.
Although the doctor didn't seem overly concerned about cell quantity given my age, I'm freaking out. I really, really don't want to go through IVF again. I'm really worried about the cell correlation to pregnancy rate. And then I also know, even if I get pregnant, it doesn't necessarily mean I'll have a baby.
I'm having a hard time just letting go. Stupid planner in me.
Two week waits are definitely brutal. Not to mention a whole pregnancy. But we're not thinking that far ahead. Really. One day at a time. I just got to get to my beta day. And then we'll think ahead to the next milestone. One step at a time.
So I'm hoping by blogging about this, I'll get it out of my system. And have y'all praying for me and sending out happy, relaxing thoughts. And I'll be more likely to just rest.
Breath in, breath out. Right? That's all I've got to do.
I saw this somewhere and I just got to keep repeating it to myself till I really believe it.
"Good Morning! This is God.
I will handle all of your problems today.
I will not need your help.
So have a good day!"
Hope everyone else is having a good day! And if anyone has any any tips for the 2ww or success stories, I'd love to hear them!!
6 comments:
I love that little reminder that God doesn't need our help. Think I should paste it into a printable and put it up somewhere :)
And as always, of course I'll pray for you - this part is the second worst part for me. Worst being the day after retrieval when you find out how many of your eggs did (n't) fertilise :)
Girl! You are in the midst of it for sure. You are right on track, looking to the Lord for peace and security, but gosh, it's still such a hard thing to do. I don't have magic words, but I am hopeful for you. How long do you have to wait for beta results? Is it today? Good luck and keep the good fight. The Lord will provide you with the exact family you are supposed to have at the exact right time.
Here and reading. Good luck! I hope the wait flies by. Regardless of the outcome, can you meet with your doctor to discuss your concerns over the way the cycle went?
Thanks for your comment on my blog. You are right that everything keeps changing. Some days I cope better with that than others!
xoxoxo
T.
The 2 WW is always so difficult!! I will pray!! Try to stay busy and if u start thinking too much try to remember to pray and ask God for help!! I know there's no magical cure to speed things up, but God is with U!! Love u!
Oh boy!! I have no tips. But hoping and praying for this to be your time!! Take care!!!!
Thinking of you today and praying for you. The reality is that God is sovereign. He already knows the outcome of your beta day and has provided a way for you to move beyond just "surviving" until then. I pray that each day you would wake with a new sense of peace and calm that surpasses your understanding. I'm hoping for you because I know that through fear its really hard to hope sometimes. Have hope and allow to keep your heart soft towards him through all of this!
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