Here we go again...

I'm on the verge of starting another cycle.

Literally. Within the next couple days.

I'm terrified.

I'm excited.

I'm completely petrified.

I wonder if I'll actually be pregnant in a month.

And actually have a baby in my arms this time.

And yet, I'm petrified.

I oscillate between wanting to post everything and wanting to post nothing.

I know there are some exciting things going on. And I'm excited for people.

I realize that my problems are not the same as other people's problems.

I have good friends pregnant. I have blog-o-sphere friends pregnant. I can cheer them on too.

I can still be sad that I'm about to go in for monitoring for a long time that will probably involve 6-7 days of back to back blood draws and ultrasounds.

I've looked into adoption. We've always thought about that too.

But mostly I'm trying to just take everything one day at a time.

And wait.

And pray.

And have faith.

And know that I'm not in control. Lord knows that's true.

And continue to pray.

And try not to get too far ahead of myself with my thoughts. Because in this infertility world, especially with my history, I really can't.

So I sit. And wait. And we'll see.

And I'm going to trust that no matter what happens, God has plans for us.

So now I'll continue on one day at a time.