I don't know.
I got a call from the nurse today. Beta is in. And it's not zero. But it's not good either.
...11...
If you look on beta base, the average for 16dpo (or 13 dp 3dt) is over 200. The lowest number reported is 4, so I'm above that, but things aren't looking good.
The nurse said it looks like I have implantation, but it's failing. I go back in Wednesday to test again. Depending on what the numbers show then dictates what happens next.
Wait and see.
I had some good time this weekend to reflect and think about what's been going on. The retreat theme was about idolatry and it was good for me to think about how I've been so consumed with having kids that I've really made this an idol.
I re-read Water from the Rock and it was really good, although I don't know what it looks like, to find contentment even in the middle of all of this. I want to not think about my cycle, other's cycles, be jealous of pregnancies, and just live out grace.
I wondered if God doesn't want us to have any more natural kids. What if our little miracle is going to be it?
I don't know. I don't think we have any answers at this point. It's just a wait and see. And trust that God's in control.
8 comments:
Contentment is such a hard thing to find. You have an amazing attitude despite your road blocks with family building. I'll be abiding with you the next few days.
Keep your chin up, girl.
Oh Nity! I'm so sorry. Words fail me. Know that you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you peace.
Ooh, that sucks. I had one of those, with a beta of either 3 or 4. It was low enough that my f/s just called it quits right then and there.
Hoping your little embie was just a bit slow to get going. I hope you can keep busy until you get a definitive answer.
xoxo
T.
Sending you lots of hugs and prayers, I know this must be such a difficult time.
I'm so sorry. it absolutely stinks to be in limbo. I will be holding you firmly in my thoughts until Wednesday, holding hope for you that this is just a very late implantation. Hang in there.
Mo
Oh friend, I am praying for you right now. Sorry to just now be catching up on commenting, but have been following along via reader on my phone the past week. I hate that you're in this position and I pray for peace and some kind of resolution for you.
xoxo
Hang in there. Miracles do happen and we never know what God has in store for us. I will be praying for you.
Wow I relate with you soo much....
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